(03/03/05)
I like politics, but I'm beginning to wonder if I have what it takes to win the war of public opinion. Specifically, there are several reasons why I will probably never win an election:
- I am an unrepentant elitist. To me, the average person is a moron, and this is reflected when I interact with people.
- I hate fat people and I can't hide this. With the trends in the size of the average American, I'm screwed.
- Almost everything I say about race, religion, or ethnicity is politically incorrect. For example, Koreans beat their wives and/or children. See? That was totally unnecessary, but I had to say it.
- Oh, I'm pretty sexist too. I think Asian women are overrepresented in the LPGA because their small breasts interfere less with their golf swings.
- Several strangers took photographs of me while I had half-gallon bottles of beer duct taped to my hands during New Year's of this year. They probably looked a lot like this.
- I regularly mock people with down syndrome or autism. This includes rocking and grunting and pushing buttons. If only I could count cards that well.
- I love outsourcing.
- I love nuclear energy and think that the United States should meet all its energy needs with pebble-bed reactors. And I think the waste should be buried directly in your backyard.
- I hate pharmaceuticals, and as we all know, they run the country (yes, more so than oil companies do).
- I think old people have too much wealth, and that they already take too much of our money via Social Security and Medicare. Plus retired people are worthless to society.
- I think higher education is totally unnecessary for the majority of the country's population.
- I support a 90% tax rate on inherited estates.
- I agree with much of the unabomer manifesto. No joke.
- I'm stupid enough to put all these shortcomings on a list on the web.
Yeah. I guess I'll just serve on someone's staff, instead. Or maybe try to work my way up in the State Department and work in some Consular office somewhere in Asia. Or maybe I'll grow up. After all, if an alcoholic who smoked marijuana and possibly snorted cocaine can become president, maybe I could too. Ah, I forget. My dad's not rich.
