(02/13/04)
Sometimes I encounter a movie, TV show, restaurant, or other product and think to myself, "This sucks." It's no big deal, because a lot of things suck. HOWEVER, the problem comes when I think something sucks and everyone else in the world thinks it's great. So I'll compile my list.
- Friends
- What is this TV show? I used to watch it when I was in middle school because I would watch NBC on Thursday nights for Seinfeld, but I never found reason to continue watching after Seinfeld was cancelled. Let's look at the characters and see which one I identify with: there's the effeminate nerd dinosaur scientist, a dumbass actor, and the sarcastic white collar business type who is married to the nerd's sister. Fantastic. I don't identify with any of them. In fact, all three of them are such pussies that you'd be able to kick there asses and not encounter any resistance. What about the females? You've got the artsy fartsy skinny girl, the formerly fat but currently damn skinny girl who LOVES stupid housewife stuff, and the skinny girl who used to have a big ugly nose who somehow can hang out with rich people even though she's an uneducated single mom waitress. This might just be what I've seen, but when I think of single mother in NYC who is only a waitress, I think of a poor drug addict living in the ghetto, not Manhattan. This show isn't even that funny. Plus the fact that these people with crappy jobs can afford Bang & Olufsen and nice apartments in the city kinda turns me off. And I haven't even mentioned that there don't appear to be any black people in New York City.
- Cheesecake Factory
- This restaurant pretty much serves the same garbage as Chili's or TGI Friday's, except that it costs more and tastes worse. In fact, it costs a lot more. Well that's ok if the food sucks, the place is called Cheesecake Factory, right? Well the cheesecake blows. I prefer my cheesecake to be made out of cream cheese, not sugar and gelatin.
- Panera Bread
- Wow. I have rarely gone to a restaurant and spent more than $10 and not felt full at all. I mean, I had to order two entrees, and I ended up taking a basket of free bread samples back to my table and trying to get full off of that. When I finished that, I went down the street and bought a Big Mac value meal and ate that too. I should've just spent the $14 on a good meal instead of fast food.
- La Madeleine
- This place is pretty much the same story - spend $10, eat food, then fill up on free bread. I mean, I should've just bought a cup of coffee and eaten bread and jam. The only thing on their menu worth consuming is their tomato basil soup, but I could make it better with less butter and sodium for a fraction of the price.
- Bud Light/Keystone Light
- Why is Bud Light the most popular beer in America? Foreigners come to this country and make fun of us over this. Keystone's even worse. America's least bitter beer? Perhaps, but if I wanted a beer like that I'd be a pussy and drink Smirnoff Ice instead. If I wanted to drink a fizzy drink that tastes like water, I'd drink vodka and club soda. I need to go out and teach the pussies in this country to drink real beer. Guinness, the dark Heineken, and Ziegenbock are real beers. Keystone, Bud Light, and Corona aren't even worth making beer batter out of, much less drinking.
- College
- Alright, the degree is worthless, we all know this. But what nobody else mentions is that the college life is overrated too. All my friends who didn't go to college have more fun drinking and partying than anyone I've seen in college. In fact, I had more fun drinking back in high school than in college. And fraternities are overrated*. If these kids have the money to go to college and join a frat without having a job, they'd have fun no matter what they did after high school.
- Time Warner HDTV
- This service is worthless. Yes, the picture is really clear, but that's only on shows you don't want to see. The only good thing about HDTV is HD football. Now the problem with that is that they only have so many HD cameras shooting the game, and all the other cameras are regular quality, so half the instant replays are blurry. Then there's FOX, whose HD broadcasts of NFL games just blow. Basically it's watching blurry widescreen. Meanwhile, the only non-local channels Time Warner carries in HD is HBO, SHO, Discovery, and these 2 channels called INHD and INHD2. Where is ESPNHD? Every freaking carrier carries ESPNHD except for TWC. It pisses me off. HBO and Showtime show the same bad movies like Arachnophobia and Brown Sugar, only clearer, while Discovery HD has been known to broadcast 30 minute blocks of commercials at a time. The only thing worth watching on INHD and INHD2 is kickboxing, which I concede is pretty badass. Everything else on HD channels suck.
- TV in general
- Everything on TV sucks except sports and news, and even then, sports and news sometimes sucks. Who needs 24 hours of sports on like 15 channels? And let's face it. There's not that much that happens in this world to fill 24 hours of Headline News, much less 24 hours of all the news channels. And there's not only CSPAN, but CSPAN2 and CSPAN3...wasn't one boring ass channel of legislative procedures and press conferences enough? And they wonder why people of my generation don't care about politics.
What blows my mind is that I've only highlighted the things that everyone else in the world loves and adores. I'll be adding to this list as people piss me off further by continuing to love stupid things.
*To my friends in the fraternities, this is not an attack on you or your lifestyle. In fact, I don't have any friends in fraternities without jobs because anyone I've ever met who fits the description is a doucebag.
