(05/02/05)
If there is one thing I hate, it's being asked for my phone number at Best Buy when I'm trying to use cash. Same thing happens at Radio Shack or Fry's or Office Depot. Another thing is going to the grocery store and seeing that certain items cost 100% more without the "loyalty card" that tracks your shopping habits. When I try to read an article on the New York Times website, or the Dallas Morning News or the Orlando Sentinel or the Kansas City Star, they want me to log in. I have to register for every one of these stupid-ass regional newspapers to view their articles just to feed my news addiction. It sucks. Let's fight back.
Let's stop giving them real zip codes or phone numbers. Use 90210 as your zip code and (area code) 867-5309 as your phone number. If they ask for your real name, just say it's Michael Jackson. When they protest, roll your eyes and tell them you've been getting that your whole life and that you're really sick of hearing it. Stop shopping with any grocery stores that use the stupid loyalty cards. Around here, HEB is the cheapest grocery store with the best stuff anyway, so I don't even know why anyone is retarded enough to shop at Randall's, Kroger, or Albertson's.
Log out of your Amazon account when you're not using it, because there's nothing as unsettling as a banner ad on your favorite blog saying "Hello [your legal first name], would you like to support this site?" in an Amazon tip jar. For that matter, clear out your cookies from time to time. Let doubleclick work harder for their surfing data. And reformat your hard drive, PLEASE. You idiots always have retarded amounts of spyware on your computers and call me to ask for help.
The Orlando Sentinel is the worst. They send you spam, and when you opt out of the spam, they then deny you access to the articles on their web page. I'm sorry, but the only articles I read in the Orlando Sentinel is invariably some ridiculous local Floridian who does something retarded, much to the amusement of the rest of the nation. It's simply not worth the spam. The only paper that could possibly pull off this scheme would be the New York Times, and even that would probably be commercial suicide.
You people who work for these companies and their marketing research divisions need to quit your jobs. I hate you and your employers.
