(02/20/04)
I was scrolling through my buddy list, and I decided to read every blog linked from everyone's infos. I've decided that I would make a few suggestions to those of you who keep blogs:
- 1. Get in more fights.
- The drama and the turmoil in your life isn't dramatic or tumultuous enough. Instigate fights with randopm people. Seek out racist white people if you're a minority, and pretend to be a racist among minorities in you're white. Then blog about that. You don't have to win the fights if your purpose is to make your entry interesting.
- 2. Drink more alcohol.
- The story of how boring your meeting was? Probably more boring than the actual meeting. If, however, you had gotten trashed at the meeting and decided to question your superiors on every turn and hit on that attractive coworker who you haven't tried to talk to because she's married, then I'd be very interested in your day at work.
- 3. Learn to spell.
- This one's important. I'm not talking about typos and misspellings in the conventional sense, but more of the confusion of "to" and "too," or "than" and "then," and stuff like that. And then there are the words that people say all the time and then don't know how to spell, but try anyway. Do a google search of hipocrit. It returns 1590 pages. Jelous returns 29800. Fallic doesn't return that many, but it's interesting because it's split between people who think that's how to spell "phallic" and people who use it when they should be using "fallacious." What amazes me is that most of these aren't typos, because the spelling occurs like 3 times in one page. I don't want to hear about someone's "wining" and bitching either. Spellcheck and AutoCorrect have produced a generation of dumbasses. I wouldn't be surprised if some of these alternate spellings become so common that they become widely accepted and one day make the appearance into the dictionaries.
- 4. If it's not unique, nobody cares.
- I've read a blog where someone pours raw chicken blood into some girl's drink to give her salmonella poisoning. See, that kind of stuff is interesting. I once read a Vegas poker dealer's blog to get insight into table manners and what not when I was new to the game. Speaking of insight, that's another word that goes in the category above. Some people have great "incite" because their spell checker won't pick that up either. Anyway, back to the unique bit. That asshole in the classroom/gym/workplace isn't interesting unless you fight.
- 5. Take that crap off the commercial sites so that I'm not bombarded by popups and flashing banner ads.
- I don't know how epileptics could possibly search the web. The worst are the ones where the ad moves around and expands right over the paragraph you're trying to read. That seems counterproductive to me because I bet 80% of the clicks they get (that the advertiser pays for) are people who just lack the precision to click on the "[x] close" button (whose color is ridiculously close to the background so that they can pat themselves on the back and think that nobody can see it). There are so many free PHP packages that allow you to blog just as easily. Ad-free webhosting isn't that expensive. You could be paying less than $10 a month for more space/bandwidth than you'd know what to do with. Now I will shamelessly plug an ad right now for my host, Dreampod. What's that? You don't want to pay because only 3 people visit your site every day? You shouldn't be blogging in the first place. What you're doing isn't free anyway, you're paying with your dignity.
- 6. You either update too frequently, or not enough.
- It boggles my mind when people post 3 entries, without a HINT of irony, in a 24 hour period complaining that they're way too busy with everything. The alternative is the guy who posts once a month and thinks that his blog paints a coherent picture of his life. If you're posting too much, consider the possibility that your posts are boring. If you're posting once every two months, consider the possibility that nobody comes back after reading your blog once.
- 7. I don't really care what you're listening to or what you're reading.
- Who are you kidding; you don't read real books. Actually the best ones are the ones where someone is "currently reading" a 150 page book for a month. Well, you've just made me unintentionally pass judgment (not judgement)on your literacy skills, and my degree of respect for you has fallen further. Of course you don't read; you just typed hipocrit. As far as your music, I don't know how people can love music today. I looked at my playlists, cds, and my radio station presets and realized that I'm stuck listening to music from the 50's, the 80's, and the classical period (also some baroque and romantic). I listen to more Schubert than Hilary Duff and I can't understand anyone who does otherwise.
I'm going to check your damn blogs again in a month and see if you've improved. If not, I'll...I'll...post negative comments! No but seriously, I'll just stop talking to you, even if you're family or something.
You guys won't listen to me anyway. My genius is beyond your comprehension. Now you just think I'm an asshole.
