(02/05/04)
My life is boring, so whenever I get the opportunity, I make life difficult for my peers. In fact, I generally try to annoy the hell out of people because I'm a sad, pathetic man. With that, I'm going to share the favorites:
- Comment on the younger sisters - One of the oldest tricks in the book. I have a handful of friends whose sisters are around 16-18. It gets old, so you can only do it a few times before you actually get your ass beat. One of the more effective phrases is "Damn, how old's your sister again?" as she walks out of the room. Remember, timing is key.
- Register your buddy's full name as an SN on AIM - Proceed to message all your mutual friends and tell them to delete the old SN from the list. Also opens up the possibilities. Also works with other accounts, such as gaming servers and what not, online poker rooms, etc. Then edit the profile and give out address, phone numbers, and other personal information. Proceed to booty IM the girls.
- Comment on weight - The girls love this. Cut them off at dessert and say something like "It's for your own good." Recommend against wearing revealing dresses, tube tops, etc. Poke their sides and withdraw your hand with a disgusted look on your face.
- Mess up the cell phone - When they leave their phones sitting around, edit phone book entries so that the label on the mom's number has the girlfriend's name and the girlfriend's number is labeled mom. Alter as many entries as you can. Set alarms in the middle of the night, preferably set to the same ringer they have for ordinary calls. Change the language on the phone. Set the default ringer to silent, if possible.
- Change the home page on their computer - Homosexual explicit popup-ridden porn sites are best. As for the URLs of these sites, I'm sure any google search will turn up a plethora of good candidates for this prank.
My personal favorite is one that my buddy did to me. The evening of Christmas Eve, after a long night of drinking at a bar where we know the owner (and thus drinking till about 5 AM), the rich guy of the group invites us over to his place to drink some Louis XIII (retail: $1500 for 750mL). We call him a liar because even if he did have a bottle, he wouldn't share it with us. He insists and even agrees to buy us a round next time if we go over to his house and there's no Louis XIII. We go to his house and lo and behold, there's an elegant bottle, half full, labeled Louis XIII. He pours each of us a small glass and we drink it, commenting on how smooth it is or something retarded like that. I am secretly unimpressed. This stuff doesn't warrant the sticker price. I don't dare say anything because it's free and I had already gotten through with a loud argument about gun rights and gun laws, and I had already woken up the sleeping girlfriend who had to come downstairs to check to see what the hell the racket was about. The next day, we're debating what to do after Christmas dinner and we propose that we drink at the same friend's house. The girlfriend reluctantly agrees, but gives us this disclaimer: "We don't have any alcohol at our place, except for some cheap cognac that Eric filled up the Louis bottle with." And we all look around at each other and collectively said "Damn, what an asshole." And what morons we were for believing him.
